Run, run away from the opener!

A lot of students have a problem of not knowing what to say after the opener, which was a problem that I needed to overcome at one point of my PUA journey.

The common situation is that you deliver your opener, and then you try and transition the conversation away from your original question, which can be difficult for a couple of reasons:

Firstly, a lot of guys just say that they simply run out of stuff to say, and an awkward silence ensues.

Secondly, some guys find that the girl is a little too keen to give her advice, and they end up having a lengthy conversation about a situation which has just been invented for the purpose of opening sets!

Here are my solutions:

If you are running out of things to say, try making assumptions, rather than just asking another question. For example, if she gives some advice, you can make an assumption about her, on the grounds of why she made that particular suggestion. The example below demonstrates how to respond when you’ve asked her advice on what present to get a female friend of yours, and she suggests jewellery.

PUA: “Jewellery? Yeah you strike me as that kind of girl. In fact I bet you’ve got a whole ton of jewellery at home, like four shoe boxes full, but there are only three or four bits that you really like, and those are the only ones you wear when you go out, right?”

She will either agree with the assumption and be impressed at your intuition, or disagree and give you more information, as she explains how she feels about jewelery. Either way, you’ve kept the conversation going, and moved on from the opener without asking another question. It’s win win!

An alternative to making assumptions is to playfully challenge her response. It’s actually okay to be rude to a girl in this situation, as long as you do it playfully! In fact you’ll probably be surprised at how much you can get away with.

PUA: “Jewellery? Why does every girl suggest that?! Pause and give a mock disapproving shake of the head, I’m sure you can do better than that. Come on, try and suggest something interesting.”

As long as you do this gently and playfully, you should manage to hook the girl you met at adultfrienedfinder, and you’re also being cocky funny, which is an attractive quality. When she does come up with an interesting suggestion you can reward her with a high five.

So, let’s take the second problem, where you’ve successfully moved the conversation on from your opening line, and things seem to be going well, but she keeps taking things back to the opener. This is the exact situation that happened to a student of mine the other day. He had confidently opened a two set by asking them about a present he was getting for a friend, and he had managed to hook them.

Student: “So where do you guys tend to go out?”

2 set: “We tend to go to Soho, but anyway, have you thought about getting a necklace for your friend?”

And as simply as that, the conversation went back to the opener. However this doesn’t have to be the case. What my student should have done was ignore the question!

His response should have been something like:

“Soho? Oh, where all the gay clubs are? I bet you guys have like a ton of gay friends and when you go out you always hang out with them, and include them in your girl chats.”

Ignore her comment about the necklace and make an assumption which relates to her. As she does not have that much vested interest in your opener, she won’t mind if the conversation jumps onto something more interesting, such as herself and her personal tastes! Remember everyone’s favourite subject is themselves.

The key is to relate to what the girl says, and to listen and connect with what she has to say, instead of just trying to keep the conversation going at all costs. Don’t be afraid to put the girl under a bit of pressure. After all, the fact that she’s attractive should not be enough for you to give her your unconditional interest.

A lot of guys are worried about the conversation stalling, so instead of listening and engaging with the girl, they are desperately thinking of their next question. This results in a conversation which will be similar to an interview, as the man fires off questions at the girl without really listening to her responses. If you take the time to listen, and are not afraid to challenge the girl, you’ll find that the conversation will flow a lot more naturally. More importantly, you will be much more likely to make a connection, and will come across as different from all the other guys who just ask the same boring questions.

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